Can Your Resolutions Be Acts Of Love?


Don’t perform acts of self-care to fix yourself, to heal yourself, to improve yourself to redeem yourself.  Rather, do them as acts of love, of deep warm friendship to yourself.  

In this way there is no longer any need for the subtle aggression of self-improvement, for the endless guilt of not doing enough.  It offers the possibility of an end to the ceaseless round of trying so hard that wraps so many people’s lives in a knot.  

Instead there is now self-care as an act of love.  

How endlessly delightful and encouraging!

Adapted From Bob Sharples

Why Is It So Hard To Change?

I am always on the lookout for ways to facilitate change, and wondering-Why is change so difficult? Why can we not become the person that we want to be? The statistics are mind-boggling. Only one in seven heart patients are able to successfully change their behavior when told by their physician that if they don’t they will die, only 8% of New Years resolutions are achieved for the long run, only 5% of people who loose weight on a crash diet keep the weight off, and the majority of dieters gain back more weight then the amount that they lost. How many of us can identify with hard won weight loss going up in a cloud of chocolate ice cream! It’s apparent that the answer is not lack of motivation or inadequate rewards. People struggle with change even when not changing is life threatening.

Did you know that most baby boomers stop taking medication prescribed to maintain their health after a few months? The medication has no side effects, lack of motivation, will power and/or discipline did not explain why.  Research using the Immunity to Change method revealed that the reasons are “hidden commitments” such as not wanting to feel old, or not wanting to fee like you need a crutch.

The Immunity To Change method is the breakthrough approach to personal improvement developed by Robert Kegan and Lisa Lehay of Harvard University. The “immunity to change,” which impedes personal and organizational transformation is a hidden dynamic that is uncovered through this method. Once people see their “immune system,” they understand why prior efforts have failed to create sustainable change and totally new ways to move forward appear. 

 The ITC process changes not what you know, but how you know. It changes the basic ways in which you make sense of your world and yourself. It engages you in truly developmental learning that enables you to make changes that you want to make by uncovering and examining your hidden commitments. You discover why you are keeping one foot on the brake while you also have a foot on the gas, and enables you to ease up on that brake.   
You become free to make changes, changes you want, changes that endure. 

Did You Brush Your Teeth Today? Part1

Oh yeah, no bikes left, it’s January.”I think I’ll just run outside until January is over.” “Such a pain, there’s no parking spots, it’s January.””You have to get here so early to get into class, can’t wait until January is over.”

 These are the self-satisfied complaints of gym regulars this month, and I admit, me included! It is a pain that the gym is so crowded, and it feels good to know that we are not there because of soon to fade resolutions. We will still be there next month. But we weren’t born going to the gym regularly.

 This series of blogs is about  how you become a regular by making it a ritual so that it becomes just one of the things that you do (like brushing your teeth). Resolutions that you turn into rituals are goals that you attain

A couple of other tips about resolutions:

  • Make it part of a big goal. For example, don’t make it about going to the gym. Make it about being healthy so you will be able to play with your great-grandchildren
  • Work on one at a time.
  • Pick something that you really want to achieve, not something you should achieve.

My daughter Camille once said to me that she finds projects “so fun” because of the way that you feel inside when you complete them. I hope that these blog posts help you to find your resolutions “so fun”. and that you feel so good when you attain them.

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“Ettie is an excellent and inspiring coach! I was so pleased to have such positive outcomes as a result of our meetings. Ettie has a superb ability to listen and offer clear guidance. I highly recommend Ettie to anyone looking for some inspiration and clear techniques to create their own success!”

— Ruah Bhay,
owner Ruah Yoga


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